Eating with normal eaters

Something that I find can be helpful in recovery is to eat with people who I would consider to be "normal". When I say normal, I don't mean those who have a perfect diet, eats to a set plan/times or eats super healthy and balanced meals. I just mean people who do not have a disordered relationship with food. Granted, most people will still have their opinions about food, whether something is healthy or not, or make the odd comment about diet/weight/body image etc. But they wouldn't dwell on these things and stuff like this doesn't take over their lives.

More recently in my recovery, I've made a conscious effort to socialise more even though it's outside of my comfort zone. I've been doing this more because despite feeling anxious and awkward about it, I know that it is helping me and that over time, it has gotten easier and will continue to get easier the more I do it.

When I've been out with others, sometimes it's just good to see them relaxed around eating and not make a big deal out of where and when they eat and what they eat. Of course they will still choose what they prefer, but if things don't go exactly as planned, it's not the end of the world. Sometimes when you've been around eating disorders for so long (whether it is in hospital with other people with eating disorders, or just isolated with your own ED thoughts), you forget what it is to be "normal" around food. When you start going out again, and seeing how others are around food and eating, it sort of puts things into perspective. You see that food and eating is not always about calories/fat, healthy/unhealthy, lead to weight gain etc., but that it's just part of everyday life. It doesn't need to be something that you should be scared of or which has consequences. Because food is just food. It's gives you energy throughout the day to do whatever you are doing (or not doing because your body needs fuel even when it's not "doing" anything). It's also something to be enjoyed, both in terms of the choices and tastes, as well as the social aspect of it when you are eating with family or friends.

Another thing I'd like to mention is that at the moment, when I've been going out with others, these have been people who either don't know I have an eating disorder, or don't know much about my eating disorder (mainly people from my work). You may be wondering why I'm not "practising eating" with people who know me or my situation (e.g. my family or friends who have known me throughout my ED and recovery) as that might be easier since they are more aware and "understanding" of my feelings around food etc. But to be honest, I actually find it harder to eat normally around my family or people who know me better. I think that when I'm around them, there's less need for me to try as hard to eat normally, because I know that they will "allow it" if I don't do 100% well or if I act a little funny about the food. I've also gotten so used to not doing well when I'm around people who've known me throughout my illness that it's sort of become a habit. But with newer people, I almost don't want them to know the eating disordered side of me, because I just want to be normal and for them to know me for me. So when I'm with them, I find that I would try harder in terms of what I eat and how I act around food. 

The thoughts and anxiety is still there, but the more I do it, the easier it will be. In a way, the people I've been going out with have been an inspiration/role models for me (even though they don't know it ;) ). They've helped me to see that what it's like to have a normal relationship with food and to enjoy going out for a meal and just have a good time.