Hunger and feeling full

Am I really hungry? I have no idea.... 

As I'm sure a lot of people with eating disorders will agree, years of torturing your body through restricting, bingeing, purging, laxatives, exercise and so on will no doubt take a toll on your body and the way it reacts to food. 

On top of this, your ED has also been feeding lies to you, telling you that you're not really hungry (even if you are), that you don't need to eat, that you're already full (even if you've had hardly anything).  

So how can you work towards recovery and eating "normally", which is what most of us is probably (hopefully) striving towards, when your hunger cues are all messed up?

This is a problem I am definitely experiencing. Actually, I don't think I ever lost my sense of hunger. I can usually tell when I'm feeling hungry. It may not be a noticeable grumbling in my stomach, but there's that physical empty feeling which tells me that I should probably eat something. Whether I end up eating something or not is another story.

What I do have trouble with is feeling full quickly even though I might not have had much. Logically, I know that I probably haven't had enough, or the normal serving, but when you're feeling uncomfortable and bloated, it's hard to push yourself to eat more even if you know that's what you should be doing. 

To try and overcome this, there are a few things that I try to do.

Eat smaller amounts throughout the day: instead of just having very large meals, have smaller meals and several snacks. You're less likely to feel overly uncomfortable after the meal/snack, and hopefully also less guilty than if you had a single large meal.

Eat denser foods: rather than loading your plate with salad and vegetables or having fruit and smoothies/drinks etc, try and have foods which have less volume such as nuts, dried fruit, protein, "fun foods". Of course this will not be easy to do, especially if you're like me and still at the stage of indecisiveness about recovery (some days are better than others). And most likely even harder if counting calories is something you struggle with. But nevertheless, if recovery is what you have decided to do and you are willing to commit to trying and giving it a go, having slightly higher-calorie foods which has less volume will at least make the physical side of things a little bit easier. I mean, think about it: if you had to eat say 300 calories of food (just a random amount off the top of my head), which would be more uncomfortable physically - a mountain of salad and vegetables, or a chocolate bar. If I had no choice as to whether I can eat that 300 calories or not, I'd choose the chocolate. It'd be easier on my stomach, I'd feel less bloated, and it probably taste good too :)

Follow your meal plan: if you have a meal plan that has been recommended to you by doctors or a dietitian, try your best to follow it. Commit to doing it and consciously remind yourself that your dietitian has set this meal plan for you because it is what your body needs in order to repair itself and provide you with the energy you need everyday. I know it's easy to dismiss the idea and just think "I don't need this much food", "I don't even feel hungry". But the truth is, your body does need this amount of food and fuel, and if you keep avoiding it, not only will it take longer for your body to adjust to having normal amounts of food, but you will also be keeping yourself from moving forward int the direction of recovery.

These are just some ways I try to cope with eating in recovery. It may not suit everyone or people with different types of eating disorders. But hopefully, some of you have found this helpful ;)