New job, good news?

I had a job interview last week.

Got the job :). It's something that's related to what I studied and in the same area as the job I'm currently working at. It's sort of an internal role within the supermarket I work in (my part time second job). There's a lot of positives to this new job:

- the pay is better

- the office is closer

- there's a clearer idea of what the job is about

- it's related to the area I've been working in

Anyone looking at this would think that everything about it looks great. It's a great opportunity and that's exactly what everyone is telling me.

So why am I not as excited as I should be?

Because if I take this job, I won't be able to work part-time in the supermarket anymore since the company rule is that you can't work more than full-time hours under the same company (you can, but they'd have to pay you overtime, which they wouldn't want to). So basically, once I start the job, I won't get to work at the store anymore. 

You may be wondering what the big deal is, who would want to keep working at a store anyway? But the thing is, working at the supermarket was probably one of things which really helped me over the last couple of years. When I first got the job there, I was still quite unwell and depressed. I didn't want to work there (or anywhere really), but I couldn't just stay home and do nothing either. So I took that job. Initially, it was hard, having to fake happy and pretend to be alright (it is customer service after all). But to my surprise, and I probably didn't even realise this at the time, things got a bit better, I got to know the people I work with better, I felt I was doing something useful and productive. Mostly, I think the biggest thing was the social aspect of it. I actually felt as though my workmates liked working with me and I was able to talk to them. And as I got to know them better, I was also able to open up a bit about myself and even be more honest about my situation. They were all very accepting and I didn't feel judged. I didn't realise how important this job and the people became to me.

And now, with this new job, it means I won't be seeing these people anymore. Even though they say we can still keep in touch, that we'll still be friends, I know that it's not going to be the same. The circumstances aren't the same anymore and it's nice and all to think that we will keep in touch, but in reality, the likelihood of us meeting up or seeing each other when I don't work there anymore is pretty small. 

In a way, I feel like I shouldn't care so much and I'm angry at myself for being upset when I should be happy. But the thing is, this make me sad and although I can see objectively that this new job may bring with it many possibilities and a lot of good things may come out of it, right now, I don't know what these are. And all I can feel is the sense of loss of something that I didn't realise was so important to me.

Sorry that this post is just me rambling on a bit, but I guess that's why I write here. Because I need to let the thoughts and feelings out. Just for "someone" to know how I'm really feeling.