Eating cake and small steps towards recovery

We had a birthday morning tea at work today. This is a monthly event that our office does to celebrate everyone's birthdays. And probably an excuse for cake and a morning tea break :). 

To the normal person, this should be totally normal and something to look forward to. But to the person with an eating disorder (aka me), panic ensues whenever I receive the email invitation to this birthday morning tea. 

When I get invitations to social/eating things like this, there are three different parts of me that reacts or want to have a say in what I do.

• The first is the ED part which wants to eat the cake, sometimes the whole cake. This is the part that has been deprived and basically just wants to eat anything in sight.
• The second is the ED part that's shouting don't eat it, you can't eat it, it'll make you gain weight, you don't need it, you can resist!. This part basically sits on your shoulder everyday and has to put in its two cents whenever a meal time comes around or when food is on offer.
• The third part of me that is probably fainter in its presence, but nevertheless still there is the part that truly wants recovery. Sometimes I get this confused with the ED that wants to eat everything. But I know that there is a part of me, the real me, that knows that to eat that piece of cake is the right thing to do and will help in some small way with my recovery.

So back today's morning tea dilemma. Who did I listened to? I think in the end, I listened to all three. I did end up having some cake, but I only had a smaller piece than what everyone else had. But to me, this seemingly small decision was massive (hence I am writing about it!). I know that I need to keep fighting the ED thoughts, especially those coming from the second restrictive part, in order to be able to overcome my fears truly move further towards recovery.

P.S. the cake didn't taste too bad either ;P, and despite the guilt, I have to admit I enjoyed it.