Making a big deal over nothing?

I’ve always had trouble accepting the idea that I suffer from depression and even an eating disorder. After all, if I’m still functional, working and alive, then there’s nothing wrong, right?

Here’s a bit of an email I wrote to my psychologist:

… I kind of get through the whole day feeling sad and tired and numb. And then look forward to the night time with the watching tv and eating, and probably enjoying doing that (albeit often feeling guilty about the “excessive” eating afterwards). 

It seems that there’s nothing wrong with me really then. Doesn’t everyone do exactly the same? As in they just have to get through the days, go to work, do day-to-day chores etc. and then other times do what they enjoy when they have the time to do so. 

If that’s what I’m doing as well, there must be nothing wrong. Actually, most, if not all the people who I know (i.e. relatives and people from work) probably look at me now and think I’m getting better because I’m working, “eating”, not skinny or losing weight anymore. And why wouldn’t they think that? Because I AM working, “eating”, and not skinny anymore. Except I just don’t want to do any of it (except the eating part probably)…Doesn’t everyone feel sick of life and want it to end? But they are just better at coping or aren’t as self absorbed and self-pitying? I am still functioning and fine, so what am I doing talking to you, or needing to “get help”? Am I just making a big deal out of nothing, thinking there’s a problem when there really isn’t one? Because everyone has to “do” life. Maybe they just haven’t had a chance to think of dying as an option or contemplate it, and therefore hasn’t realised its appeal. Or maybe they do think about it, but are more strong-willed and responsible as opposed to lazy and pathetic…

Eating disorders and depression (and any other mental illness) shouldn’t need to be justified. I would never question someone else if they said they were suffering from a mental illness. It’s not something that you need a reason for (although sometimes there can be reasons for it). But somehow, I can’t apply this thought process to myself, especially when I really don’t have a reason for being sick.

Does anyone feel the same?