As I briefly mentioned in my last post, something I've been trying really hard to do more of is to go out with people more. Basically just DO more of life rather than retreat into myself and isolate like I've been doing for so long.
I still have mixed feelings about socialising. Sometimes (okay, most of the time), I'm nervous about doing it, asking someone, having to make conversation and worried that I'll run out of things to say. Sometimes when I'm out with someone, I feel like I'm observing from the outside, not really connected to what we're doing or saying. But there are times too when I'm actually there, not just feeling like I have to pretend to be engaged, but actually being engaged in the moment. And honestly, I enjoy that feeling.
So yesterday, that's what sort of happened. I asked someone out for dinner and they accepted (yay!). I don't know this person very well, but the only way you can get to know others better is by hanging out, talking, doing things together. So we went and had Japanese for dinner. I think I find it helpful to eat with others (who are just normal). I wasn't focusing on the food as much (although I did enjoy eating sushi :D), and it was just nice to be doing something normal. I won't lie, I definitely felt nervous and awkward at times and ED thoughts popped up here and there, but all in all, I'm still glad I did it.
It was only a small step and most people probably don't know why I'm even writing about it (or even thinking about it). But for me, building up the courage to make plans with someone and actually going through with it (add on the eating out component), it was a pretty big deal.
It's my small success for the day, what's yours :) ?
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